Friday, August 29, 2008

Neighbor Update

Ok, so, you know about our neighbors. Well, last Saturday night I was playing World of Warcraft on the computer and Lemur Queen was asleep. It's about midnight, and she stumbles into the room, half asleep

FR: "What's wrong honey, can't sleep?"
LQ: "No, too much screaming."
FR: "Huh?" I had been playing WoW with my headphones on, and heard nothing.

So, I did what any new husband would do: tell his wife to go back to bed, and he'd take care of it.
I opened the door and walked outside. The noise was coming from Thor and Modi's apartment, directly above us. Of course. So I go back inside, and move out to the balcony. Evidently, I came in on the tail end of a "drunk talk"; wherein the participants are wasted and therefore are not arguing their points with the greatest mental stregnth.

Modi (female): ."......all I'm sayin' is that he can't say he love me no matter whut, 'cause he don't know. He don'! If he says 'I love yew no matter whut' he's lyin' and he can't say that........He caint!"
Thor (guy): "Uh huh"
Modi: "but yew know I caint say nothin' neither. But he cain't say he love me no matter whut...."
*I intervene from the porch below them*
FR: "Good Evening, ladies and gentlemen."
Modi: "Whut the fuck was that?"
Thor: "Uh, uh...."
FR: "It's the guy who lives below you...."
Thor (interupting excitedly): "Hey man! Please don't call the cops because I did not hit her! I didn't!"
Modi : "Yes, that's right, I was there, he didn't hit me, please don't call the cops...."

Evidently my gentle neighbors have a history of domestic violence. How.....interesting........
I have often been called a "Walking Anachronism" by some. I believe in Chivalry, Discipline, Faith, and other values of a by-gone era. I also look down on men who hit women. Unless that woman is attacking you and you are in danger; a man should NOT hit a girl. And it seems that Thor has not learned this lesson.

Thor: "Yeah, man, I didn't hit her...."
FR: "Easy there man. I was just going to ask if you could keep it down. It's midnight, and you woke up my wife."
Thor: "Uh, ok man. Ok ok ok..."
Modi: "Hey, whut Arby's do yew work at?"

What the hell? Arby's? Wow, drunk speak has returned I see.

Thor: "He didn't say he worked at Arby's, idiot. He said be quiet."
Modi: "Oh, I'm sorry, we'll be quiet.. He didn't hit me."
FR: "I don't work for Arby's. I'm a machinist, and I do shiftwork. I just need some sleep. I appreciate the quiet"
Thor: "Yeah man, if the cops get called again, I gotta pay a $250 ticket......"
FR: "Well, I'm not going to call anybody. Please just keep it down. You all have a nice evening.....(I go back inside)"
Thor: "Ok man....."

Wow. Thor definately has a history with the local Five-O. Nice. And these people live above us. Lemur Queen was already looking at house adds, I bet she'll redouble the efforts now.......

I am however, looking for a tactical shotgun to keep the garbage at bay. 16 gauge or larger should do the trick.........

Fat Rock.

Friday, August 22, 2008

We're Nerds.

Those of you who know us, know that we are both nerds. We grew up nerds, and remained nerdy throughout our high school, college, and now adult lives. Part of what makes the Lemur Queen and I such a good match is the fact that we are nerds. Mind you, we're different types of nerds but those differences are not important. You see, Lemur Queen is an archetypal "Nerd", a mainline nerd. She's great at science and math. She got great grades in high school, sholarships in college, and has a graduate degree from a prestigious university. The Mainline Nerds are the ones who were glorified in "Revenge of the Nerds". Eventually, they will take over everything, kinda like Bill Gates is doing now. Yes, he's one of us.





I am a Gamer. I am a subclass of nerd that is sometimes shunned by other nerds. The mainlines (or common) nerds were smarter than us, and the drama nerds were wierder than us, the Trekies/Jedi Knights were more belittled. But no one, not anybody, was creepier or more obtuse than the Gamers. I mean, we still have the majority of the characteristics of other Nerd branches: we're smart, can use technology, and have a slight difficulty in inter-personal relationships. But we also have one extra thing.........Gamers....well......we like games. All kinds of games. Computer games, role playing games, trivia games, card games, prettymuch anything that has complex rules. When you go into a electronics store, and some guy is drooling over the next computer game and desperately trying to pre-order it: that's probably a Gamer. If you're shopping in a bookstore and see some guy with his nose burried in a Dungeons and Dragons rule book: that's a Gamer. On saturdays, when the Books-A-Million has their weekly Yu-Gi-Oh and Magic: The Gathering tourneys; the guys you see crouching over the tables are Gamers. Starting to build a mental profile? Good! Time to test it. Pop Quiz time! In this photo, find the Gamer in the group of nerds!


If your quess was the guy in the Legend of Zelda t-shirt, you are 100% right! Gamers have an almost debilitating fascination with games. I had a buddy who was a police dispatcher and was written up for reading a 200 page rules manual on the job. He tried to explain that he had a big game coming up on Saturday and needed to recall some rules; but his boss wasn't a gamer, so he wasn't as understanding as he could have been. Gamer's also have another thing to struggle against. Even though we're smart and a lot of us have good-paying jobs, and we're really nice, and usually funny........we can't get women. Well, I did, but what I'm saying is that gamers usually can't get no love from the ladies. It seems that we are too esoteric and reclusive(this is all Nerds, not just Gamers here). Also, there is a persistant rumor running around that Gamers(Nerds in general, actually) don't bathe as often as they should. Well, it's a LIE! Most of us bathe daily, and use deoderant. Nerds, particularly Gamers, are desperate to attract and keep women. As such, we'll try a heck of a lot harder than your regular Preppy, Jock or even an Emo Boy. Ladies, do you want romance? Why not date a Nerd and watch the sparks fly? Like being pampered? Do you want to be appreciated and listened to and treated well? Try dating a nerd. Sure, we don't look good on the beach, but we'll be able to troubleshoot your computer and you will never lose on trivia night at the bar with a Nerd on your arm! Just ask my wife: Once you go Nerd, you don't go back.




Saturday, August 16, 2008

Possibly the funniest thing ever.

Lemur Queen found this excellent blog about tragic tragic cakes.

http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com/

We hope you enjoy it as much as we did. Lemur Queen would normally be making this post, but she snorted granola up her nose when she saw the "Happy Birthday Dickhead" cake.

I guess I know what I'm getting next year.

Fat Rock.

Friday, August 15, 2008

Lions and tigers and bears- oh my!

It recently came to my attention that Fat Rock and I are collectors. How did this happen? We are young, fairly attractive, and perhaps marginally hip. I blame the tea.

Fat Rock and I are both tea drinkers. I grew up in a tea drinking house, with Frank only drinking coffee on the job. Fat Rock grew up with coffee, but converted in college. Sounding a lot like the religion post, isn’t it? In any case, we have a large selection of tea cups, tea pots, and a snazzy new tea kettle.

Our favorite tea is Red Rose. http://www.redrosetea.com/ It’s just your basic issue black tea. Not chi-infused whatever. But it comes with the bonus of a collectible figurine. They are tiny little ceramic figurines, mostly animals. Just the right size for a child’s shelf. Growing up, we had a large box of these stored under the TV. There was discussion of using them for favors at the wedding, but we are selfish and didn’t want to share.

So, I guess we started out as hoarders. Just recently, we found out that Fat Rock had a co-worker who also drank Red Rose tea. She wanted to start a swap system. First one, the Labrador for the Budgie. Done. Now, instead of two Labradors (lame!) we have one Labrador and one Budgie. Today, we received the pony. Holy crap, a PONY. Every little girl’s dream. Who care’s that I’m almost 30. Santa finally answered my letter. I’ll name her Clip-Clop and brush her tail every day.

Em, sorry.

So, a pony. Coworker wants the duck in exchange. No way lady, only have one of those. How about a manatee? Those are out of production. And, you know, endangered. They need a good home. Or maybe a rooster?

It’s about this time that I realize that we are one step away from trolling flea markets and Ebay for these tiny figurines. As though our house isn’t already too cluttered with the accumulated detritus of two pack rats.

Ah well, at least the tea is good.


Lemur Queen

Sunday, August 10, 2008

My turn- Lemur Queen

A. Attached or Single? Attached

B. Best Friend? Magnolia Belle, Whimisical Tulips, and Fat Rock

C. Cake or pie? Cake

D. Day of choice? Friday

E. Essential item? Running Shoes

F. Favorite color? Purple

G. Gummy bears or worms? Gummy Bears, but gummy candy hurts my tummy

H. Home town? Milltown NJ

I. Favorite indulgence? Chocolate, or being lazy

J. January or July? July

K. Kids? Only my husband

L. Life isn’t complete without? Friends

M. Marriage date? April 26, 2008

N. Number of brothers and sisters? one brother

O. Oranges or Apples? oranges

P. Phobias? Hights, but I always forget

Q. Quotes? "I have a goal to see beyond my vision" Harry Connick Jr. But it's from a song, I'm pretty sure he's not the profound. I mean-really, SUNCOM commericals? Oh, Harry.

R. Reasons to smile? Family, friends, pet birds, everything, I guess.

S. Season of choice? Summer

T. Tag 5 people: See, this is why I don't do these surveys, by the time they get to me, everyone has already done it. Even Fat Rock beat me to it.

U. Unknown fact about me? I am on a 4 year fainting schedule. 1997: observing a hip replacement. 2001: minor auto accident 2005: observing a knee aspiration. You may want to follow behind me with a pillow during 2009

V. Vegetable? Tomatoes

W. Worst habit? I bite my nails

X. X-ray or Ultrasound? ultrasound

Y. Your favorite food? Pizza

Z. Zodiac sign? Cancer

Z. Which zoo animal is your favorite? Monkeys, Monkeys, MONKEYS!! Oh, and lemurs.



Lemur Queen

Saturday, August 9, 2008

Stupid Tag Tricks-Fat Rock

A. Attached or Single? Married

B. Best Friend? I have two. Robert and MC

C. Cake or pie? Pie.

D. Day of choice? Saturday, although friday is good too.

E. Essential item? Food. Or a computer with the internets

F. Favorite color? Crimson, Black and Silver

G. Gummy bears or worms? Worms.

H. Home town? Wiesbanden, West Germany

I. Favorite indulgence? Internets, Happy Gummi Sodas

J. January or July? January, heat sucks.

K. Kids? not yet

L. Life isn’t complete without? Purpose

M. Marriage date? April 26th, 2008

N. Number of brothers and sisters? Only Child.

O. Oranges or Apples? Granny Smith Apples.

P. Phobias? Hights, Zombies, Death by Fire.

Q. Quotes? "That's a negative Ghost Rider, pattern is full"- Top Gun

"This is the lesson: never give in, never give in, never, never, never, never—in nothing, great or small, large or petty—never give in except to convictions of honour and good sense. Never yield to force; never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy." Winston Churchill

"You ask what is our aim? I can answer in one word: Victory. Victory at all costs. Victory in spite of all terror. Victory however long and hard the road may be. For without victory there is no survival." Winston Churchill



R. Reasons to smile? My wife, my blessings, and of course...Victory.

S. Season of choice? Winter.

T. Tag 5 people: NO!! This ends with me! No longer will this be passed on like a plague! I am Fat Rock! Deleter of Chain Letter E-mails! And Terminator of link-posts. However, I couldn't think of an update this week, so I used this.

U. Unknown fact about me? I actually failed out of grad school. I managed to make it out of college, but it took a loooooong time. But I never gave up. Oh, and my alma matter is never going to get a cent from me....ever.

V. Vegetable? I like spinach,

W. Worst habit? Lack of Self-discipline

X. X-ray or Ultrasound? ultrasound

Y. Your favorite food? Rice.

Z. Zodiac sign? Pisces.

Z. Which zoo animal is your favorite? I like big cats. Mostly Pumas, Cougars, and Bobcats.

Sunday, August 3, 2008

I'll get you next time....HOOTIE!!!

BAH, WE HAVE BEEN FOILED AGAIN!!!! Those of you who know Fat Rock and I well, KNOW that we have an Arch-Nemesis in the town. Well, F.R. has several, or rather many, well maybe he's just not well liked by a lot of people. Anyhoodle, "WE" have one Arch-Nemesis in town, the infamous DJ Hootie. Who is this mysterious villian, you ask? We don't know. We've never seen him. We only GUESS it's a him due to the fact that the name is DJ Hootie and the trailer that is pulled behind that features an owl sitting on a branch........wait for it..........with a big pair of boobs. Yes, a Hooter with hooters. We're not sure who this masked demon is, but we know this: he is a poor driver and he's fond of birds and boobies. The poor driving angered my road-rage prone husband, I was underwhelmed by the boobs. We *were* going to eliminate this threat, but he escaped through a Hardee's drive thru.


We'll get you next time Hootie! NEXT TIME!!!!