Friday, July 8, 2011

Food Stamps work at gas stations now?

So, the other day I was going to work and had to stop for gas. The pumps at this gas station are messed up, so you have to go inside to prepay no matter what. So, I'm in line, with two people ahead of me. First guy goes through, no problem. Pays for his stuff and leaves quickly. Next was a lady, with an armfull of potato chips, honey buns, assorted other junk food, and two 20 ounce Mountain Dews. She drops it all on the counter and proudly says "Imma gunna pay wit mah EBT kard" and waves the thing around like its a flag. For those out of the loop, EBT cards are what they use in North Carolina instead of actually handing out food stamps to people. Supposedly it "lessens the shame" of being on food stamps, since now they just swipe a card like they would a credit card.

The clerk at the gas station was somewhat dubious when the lady handed him the card saying "Are you sure that EBT will pay for sodas and things?", to which the lady replied "Dey do now!" So the guy ran the card, and sure enough it went through. Now, the point of this is not to browbeat people on foodstamps. I think if you need the help, I'm happy the help is there. I'm even happy that they now give out EBT cards instead of paper food stamps, as this will keep people from breaking big food stamps and getting the change back in real money and using that to buy booze and smokes. But why do food stamps now pay for junk food? I thought the whole point of the program was to keep nutritious food available for those in need! How is a Little Debbie Cake and a Mountain Dew a balanced breakfast? Crap people, use some sense. Make staples only available through food stamps, no crappy junk food.

Fat Rock.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Watching the Oscars....

Yeah, it's amazing what I'll do to keep my wife happy. Not that I have a problem with this, as I get to eat and watch TV. Lemur Queen loves fashion. Or rather, she loves laughing at bad fashion. I do enjoy her snark, so I watch too. I know it sounds gay that I'm watching the Oscar red carpet show for fashion. I know it does. How Gay, exactly?

This Gay

But if you dig a little deeper, perhaps it's not so gay. I mean, what exactly am I doing? One, making points with m wife, which I will then cash in, for well, booty. Second, I'm sitting on a sofa, eating, and basically ogling women in gowns. Getting to say "nice rack" when I mean it, and laughing my ass off when they fail and dressing themselves (e.g. Helena Bonham Carter). So, how gay is it really?

About this gay. So stuff it.

Monday, February 28, 2011

Red Lobster News Flash

I already knew this, but my in-laws found out this past week when they visited a local Red Lobster:

African-Americans Love Red Lobster!

That is all. I just though their surprise was worth mentioning.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Working for a living

Well, I am working overtime 6 days a week untill after Christmas. All new vacation requestsat my plant have been suspended, so I can't have a day off. On the one day a week I DO have off, I get to do all the housework that I slacked off on ealier. So, what I'm saying is......I'm probably not going to be posting for a while. Sorry.

Unless, of course, Lemur Queen picks up the slack. Much love.

Fat Rock.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Running VICTORY!

That's right. despite my previously reported slowness, I am now a prize winning runner! And not just a finisher's medal, or a door prize. Oh no. An honest to goodness 1st in my age group winner.
But first, a story.
The local runners community is small, and you tend to see the same people over and over. One of these runners is someone Fat Rock and I call "the Poser." She is skinny, and blond, and FAST. She typically runs in those tiny little buns, and a padded sports bra. Her hair is pulled back in a roll, with a plastic flower. Now, you may be thinking "geez Lemur Queen, stalker, much?" Well, she's hard to miss. First, she's FAST. And the fast runners are easy to spot, even before the race. Tanned bodies, buns of steel, very little clothing, fancy shoes, sprinting around as a warm up. Second, and more importantly, she POSES. Thus her name. Due to my aforementioned slowness, I have had limited opportunities to enjoy her posing, but Fat Rock says that once she finishes a race, the Poser selects a high visibility area and, well, poses. Typically with padded sports bra in full display.
At this last race, Fat Rock was standing near the finish with the pup. Apparently, this was the best posing space at this race, and Fat Rock was in the way. After several dirty looks, the Poser found another spot to stand, and began suggestively eating a banana. Let me say that again. Suggestively. Eating. A. Banana. And I missed it. It makes me wish I was faster. Unfortunately, she was gone by the time I dragged my slightly less firm bottom across the finish.
But, on to my VICTORY! This weekend's race was a small one, maybe 75 people? So from the start I liked my odds. But given my track record of mediocrity at races, I tried not to get my hopes up. It was a trail run, which actually worked in my favor. I'm not fast, but I'm steady and tenacious. That's why I like longer races. Still, I was SHOCKED when I checked the finish times, and saw that 1 next to my name. AND I got a prize. Reusable wine bag, Mary Kay "satin hands" and a bottle of Apricot juice. Maybe not impressive to you, but I shall now purchase my wine with PRIDE using my victory bag. And winning made it easier to get on my bike that afternoon for my second workout.
I've got a standing to uphold
Lemur Queen

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Freak Night at Wal-Mart

Well, we ran out of bread and milk last night. So, I get sent out to get said items, AND candy for Lemur Queen. She was having a crap week at work, and needed candy. So, Wal-Mart seems to have "theme" nights some nights. Last night was "Douchebag and Alternative Family" Night. Place was stacked to the rafters with Jersey Shore wannabees, walking around looking completely pissed off. AND trying to flex at the same time. Nice.

Also the alternatives were there. Mostly loving gay couples with some sort of child there. Note I said "some sort". There was one couple that was getting on my nerves, as they were blocking my way to the particular type of candy my wife wanted. One guy was over 400lbs if he was an ounce. And he was carrying a large purse. And he was getting his buttocks STROKED by the 250lb man directly behind him. And I mean STROKING his ass. Literally, like you would rub a dog or something. They had a giant bag of kitten chow in their cart, and were completely blocking my way to the Hershey Display. No pun intended. So after waiting a bit for them to move, and patiently waiting, I might add, I was treated to the strokefst while the fat gay guy was whining about the lack of potato chip selection and why did they shop at Harris Teeter? The thinner gay guy was very sorry honey, but the prices there are just too high. So, I walked over, and said "excuse me, guys, I need to grab something off the shelf behind you". I was met with the blank, open-mouthed stare. Then they stood stock still. Would not move. A second "Excuse me" didn't get any movement either. So, I did the asshole thing, and reached right by then, grabbing what I wanted off the shelf. The I heard it. A mewing. I kitten mewing. FROM THE FAT GUY'S PURSE. The guy gasped, opened his purse, and stuffed a fat hand in the bag to calm an orange tabby kitten. Those queens had smuggled in a kitten to Wal-Mart, so they could have their "family" all together while they assembled more tools for their own hyper-obsesity and butt stroking. Unbelievable.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

The Goblins are going BACK!

This is in part a happy post, and partly a sad post. This is happy because it's back to school time, and parents are getting a break. This is also a happy time because the college students are going back to school, and the quality of strippers at the local clubs will be improving drastically. Please note: I was told this by Rod "the Bod" at work, whose encyclopedic knowledge of the proffession of stripping, pornogarphy, and adult entertainers is legendary. I don't know this personally. I'm originally from Fayetteville, where the strippers are the same all year around. Seriously, Lemur Queen would tear off my twig and berries if I came home from a strip club.

But it's also a sad post because the traffic situation in our town is about to get a lot more screwed up. Yep! School Busses! And of course the parents who can't let their Precious Little Darlings (PLDs) ride the big nasty bus and must drive them to school personally. If you go to a private school and have no bus service, you are excluded from that comment. The bus drivers in my town are good. They don't abuse the power of the stop sign, and try to move a decent speeds. They will, by and large, allow people to pass them. My problem is with the traffic cops. One traffic cop. The Midget Deputy. The Midget Deputy works the traffic beat at the local elementary school that is on a busy 4 lane road with a grassy median. This 4 lane road is an artery for people who have to work downtown (me), and in the mornings the north-bound lanes are packed with workers and soccer moms transporting their PLDs in massive ass SUVs (Lady, you have one freaking kid, WHY do you need to have an Expedition Extended Edition Widebody? Crap, that thing is a tank.......and keep it in one lane, PLEASE!) The Sounthbound lane is clear and open, but has a left turn lane into the Elementary School. Enter the Midget Deputy. He can't see over his car, but he directs traffic like wee tiny iron fist. He constantly stops traffic on the northbound lane for almost no reason. One car in the turn lane? STOP ALL NORTHBOUND TRAFFIC! Turn lane empty but you see a bus coming half a mile away that might need to turn into the school? STOP ALL NORTHBOUND TRAFFIC! This little Napoleon will have traffic backed up for 3 miles. It seems he has it out for anyone wanting to drive into town. Like some woman who drove north on this road broke his heart once and now he has sworn vengeance on all northbound traffic. So, if you see a tiny man shaking his fist randomly at north moving traffic, it's him. Throw fruit. He likes it.