Freak Night at Wal-Mart

Well, we ran out of bread and milk last night. So, I get sent out to get said items, AND candy for Lemur Queen. She was having a crap week at work, and needed candy. So, Wal-Mart seems to have "theme" nights some nights. Last night was "Douchebag and Alternative Family" Night. Place was stacked to the rafters with Jersey Shore wannabees, walking around looking completely pissed off. AND trying to flex at the same time. Nice.

Also the alternatives were there. Mostly loving gay couples with some sort of child there. Note I said "some sort". There was one couple that was getting on my nerves, as they were blocking my way to the particular type of candy my wife wanted. One guy was over 400lbs if he was an ounce. And he was carrying a large purse. And he was getting his buttocks STROKED by the 250lb man directly behind him. And I mean STROKING his ass. Literally, like you would rub a dog or something. They had a giant bag of kitten chow in their cart, and were completely blocking my way to the Hershey Display. No pun intended. So after waiting a bit for them to move, and patiently waiting, I might add, I was treated to the strokefst while the fat gay guy was whining about the lack of potato chip selection and why did they shop at Harris Teeter? The thinner gay guy was very sorry honey, but the prices there are just too high. So, I walked over, and said "excuse me, guys, I need to grab something off the shelf behind you". I was met with the blank, open-mouthed stare. Then they stood stock still. Would not move. A second "Excuse me" didn't get any movement either. So, I did the asshole thing, and reached right by then, grabbing what I wanted off the shelf. The I heard it. A mewing. I kitten mewing. FROM THE FAT GUY'S PURSE. The guy gasped, opened his purse, and stuffed a fat hand in the bag to calm an orange tabby kitten. Those queens had smuggled in a kitten to Wal-Mart, so they could have their "family" all together while they assembled more tools for their own hyper-obsesity and butt stroking. Unbelievable.