Biggest Loser Season Nine: Festively Plump and then some.

Yeah, New Years Resolutions to you all! So me and the Mrs were watchin' TV tonight, and the season premire of Biggest Loser 9 was on. You all know Biggest Loser, the show where the fat people come on, get yelled at by annoying skinny people, cry a LOT and try to loose some tonnage? Yeah, last season was supposedly "The Biggest Group Ever!". Well, they broke the cattle car this time. They had a guy on there that was 500+ pounds. That is TWO of me. Two Fat Rocks. Dizzam! And of course, there was much screaming and crying. I hate it when the fatties cry. When I started exercizing, I was around 275. I had people who screamed at me, and when they did, I just shut down. You know got the most out of me? People who offered quiet encouragement.

But Bob and Jillian can't get good rating unless they have fat people crying, so it's SCREAM TIME!

In all seriousness, have you seen some of the crybabies they have on this year? Good grief. I could hardy stand the blubbering and crying about how weight was the only factor in defining happiness in their lives. Some guy came up and said "oh, I've never had a girlfriend/never been kissed" and all I wanted to do was buy him a hooker or something. I mean hell, when I was heavier I was still happy. Some girl said "oh, I've never had a boyfriend, and I'm 30!" So what? Are you an utter and complete failure because you haven't had a man? Have you tried lowering your standards some, or maybe put out? Perhaps not screaming "BRING ME SOLO AND THE WOOKIE" during dates might make men/women (for the fat guys) want to stick around.

And what's with the epic sounding music when you're walking to the weigh-in? What is so daunting about that scale that you require epic Braveheart/Gladiator/Platoon-esque music to go with it. You aren't exactly Band of Brothers, marching into Bastone. Neither are you Spartans at Thermopylae, nor even the Charge of the Light Brigade. You are fat people, waddling up to a scale. Crap on a stick.