Mongols at the Gates of The Fortress

We live in an apartment. It's our Fortress. We like it here, we have a view of a pond with ducks, turtles, and big-ass blue herrons. It's a 2-bedroom, and we're just getting it all comfy like we want it. Lemur Queen and I are newlyweds, and we're slowly but surely sifting through all our crap and deciding where we should put things....on walls.....on shelves.....in dumpsters.......



But, since we have an apartment, we also have neighbors. First, we have the people next to us. They are the ultimate in good neighbors. They have a dog, but you wouldn't know it unless you saw the lady walking it. It's silent. They make no noise, and are ALWAYS nice to us.



Then we have the people across the hall. That apartment has been trouble for us in the past. First it was empty, then the college girls moved in. Tall, blonde, and evidently popular with the boys. They had a bunch of parties, loud parties, and I actually had to go out into the hall and ask some drunk and belligerant gentlmen to please put their pants back on. Now a nice family lives there.......a nice family with the Baddest Weiner Dog EVER. At least, that's what the dog thinks. He's so vicious, he could rip a sock right off your foot!



Below us we have The Tiny Woman (an incredably thin, and freaking tiny asian lady), and her spawn, Drama Girl. Drama Girl has the worst life ever. I've heard her say it, when she's sitting on the bottom of the stairs talking into her $200 cell phone. Yep. Or when she's walking back from her Expedition, which she just drove to the mall. I weep for her. The biggest drama surrounding Drama Girl is her choice in men. From what I can tell, she's in high school. And at all hours she has "very serious" conversations with various and sundry guys. By very serious, I mean, low toned talks about her feelings and all the drama in her life. These talks MUST occur at times when normal people either want to eat dinner, or want to sleep. And they must occur at the bottom step of either the first or second story stairs. That way the entire half of the building can be treated to her theatrics.



Above us, the Norse gods Thor and Modi live. For those of you not in the know, Thor was the god of lightning and thunder, and Modi was his son and the god of battle lust and madness. Basically, they run and boom and jump at night. Usually during prime time TV. Also, they drop things. I'm not sure what they are, but I'm guessing the anvils they practice juggling must be really slippery. The best thing about Thor and Modi is their love of animals. Well, maybe not LOVE. They have a dog. A yappy dog. A yappy dog that is about the size of a husky. I think it's an Akita. They love to keep this dog in its travel crate, which is too small for the dog. They also like to keep this travel crate on their porch, which is in direct sunlight. The dog does not like this, and he lets them, us, and everyone know it. Also, one day Thor and Modi left the dog in the crate, on the porch, in a thunderstorm. The Dog was loosing its mind, but did they care? Nope.



Still they aren't the worst neighbors I ever had. When I was in college, I live with my two buddies Howler Monkey and I.M. (independantly mysterious). We had a second floor apartment (university assigned housing) over 3 black guys. The black guys were cool. No noise (except during World Series and March Madness, but that's perfectly acceptable. I mean, we're all men, and sometimes we need to cuss at the TV. It's genetic), no parties, no wierd smells. Well, two out of the 3 black guys graduates. The last black guy gets two new roomies, 2 japanese guys. Now, the school I went to has a sizable asian population. And evidently these guys were really socialites. There were never less than 20 japanese people in that damn apartment. The last black guy was hiding in his room most of the time. I asked him once how he like living there now, and his reply was "Godzilla madness, yo." Well, the last black guy graduated (he was finishing his MBA), and yet another japanese guy went in. So now, there were usually 30 japanese people living underneath us. One time they had a party and IM and Howler Monkey had a super early ROTC march the next day, so IM went down to ask for a volume reduction. He came back up, and said "they were all surrounding a hibachi grill with an onion on a stick and laughing hysterically. They wouldn't even talk to me, just kept laughing. And there's like 40 of 'em down there." What finally took the cake was one late night, I was lying in bed, trying to drift off the sleep, when IT started.



"BOOM Boom.



Boom Boom BOOM.



THIS IS A STORY ABOUT A GIRL NAMED LUCKY......."



Yep, the japanese had started up Britney Spear's hit "Lucky" and were playing it at high volume.

Then I was surprised again, in a bad way:



"She so rucky, she a star, but CLY CLY CLY with her BLOCKEN HEART........."



Japanese Karaoke......Doing Britney Spears......and it's a guy singing. Oh my sweet lord. That was just a beginning of the night. I was treated to other such excellent songs as "Hit Me Baby One More Time" and "Some Thrice-Damned Japanese TV Show Jingle That All 30 of Those Bastards Must Have Loved Because I Swear I Heard About 10 of The Tone-Deaf Weasels Try To Sing It".



But at least they didn't have a dog............



Fat Rock.





Story about 30 japaneese people that lived underneath us in collge.