Holy Wars

Let's get one thing straight. Fat Rock and I are Christians. Proud of it. Born, baptized, confirmed, married in the church. We've done our time at VBS, sat through, and participated in many a youth Sunday, and price marked nick-knacks for the church bazaar.

But, as usual, Fat Rock and I are contrary. Me, I'm Moravian. For those NC natives out there, you know this denomination . Old Salem, sugar cakes, all that good stuff. For those of you not lucky enough to call NC home, I think the motto says it all; "In essentials, unity. In non-essentials, liberty. In all things, love." Basically, your boring old mainstream Protestant church, with the added benefit of eating during church.

Fat Rock started out as a Charismatic Christian. So, let's just say, a slightly more exuberant service. In a church with fairly strong feelings on such things as Harry Potter, Halloween, and booze. Once he entered college, he rebelled. He rebelled BAD. Oh yes, he converted. To Latin Rite Roman Catholic. He's a wild man, my husband.

So now we are married, in a new city, and are on the hunt for a new church. It has been an adventure, and we may go pastafarian just to be done with the church shopping.

First stop, the one and only Moravian church in town. Comfortable, friendly, median age of parishioners, about 70. Congregation size, about 70. Also, they kept getting our names wrong. We are NOT Big Boulder and Merkeet Madam. We are Fat Rock and Lemur Queen. You only have 72 names to remember, get it straight. After only 3 Sundays, we came home to a message on our machine, offering us membership. Still didn't get our names right. Hmm, maybe we should have stuck around. Another month, and we'd be RUNNING the place.

Next, off to the Catholic Church. Our Lady of Perpetual Guilt. Held in a cafagymatoriam. Larger congregation, more varied ages, but kind of impersonal, without many opportunities to get involved. The folding chairs were a nice change from pews, I'll give them that.

Ok, we're in the south, let's give the Baptists a try.
#1 Nice big church, lots of ministry opportunities. Excellent service. But once we let slip that there was a PAPIST in their midst, we were given the cold shoulder. Better not tell them about my dance lessons.
#2 Recommended by a co-worker. We braved a near-Biblical flood to attend this service. This service was a bit modern. HUGE praise band with at least 2 drummers, 4 guitarists and 6 bass players. Screens a-plenty, with praise songs and the minister's head, blown up to Macy's Parade Balloon size. Okayy, let's give them a chance. Sermon starts. The main theme? Sexual abuse. Of the minister. By family members. Um, I think I hear my mother calling, dinner's burning, gotta go!

Last week, we hit the Lutherans. By accident, actually. Looking for another co-worker reccomened church, but the Lord works in mysterious ways, right? Maybe this is the one. Don't think I've ever been in a Lutheran church. Looks like Catholic Church, lite. Average age, Moses. With stale perfume. At least the sermon featured super heroes (really). He had a cardboard cutout of the HULK, with angel wings. Awesome.

But we will not give up, we will not be dissuaded. We live in the SOUTH. There are churches on every corner. We will find our place, and pass the peace.

Pray for us

Lemur Queen