First Mumble

Greetings all. This actually isn't my idea. My wife (Lemur Queen) has several friends who have blogs, and she thinks that "we" should do something. By "we" she means me. And by "do something" she means start up ourselves. Well, here it is. We're newlyweds, and so far we haven't gotten sick of each other yet, and we live outside the Marinara Zone. More on that later.



Or now. Ever see that episode of "Everybody Loves Raymond" where Ray and Deb are trying to decide how close they want to live to Ray's parents? Ray showed Deb a map and told her that anyplace within 30 minutes of his parents was a bad idea, as they could pop in unannounced with his mother's food still hot from her stove. This is called the Marinara Zone.



Anyplace more than 30 minutes away to 2 hours away is the Safe Zone. A parent can't just "pop over for a bit" but if they come, they won't spend the night. However, if you live more than 2 hours away, you are in the Overnight Zone. Overnight Zone is bad, because while parent's might not come over as often, they will definitely spend the night. And we don't want that.

It's not because we don't like parents, it's because *I* (the husband, aka Fat Rock) weigh over 260 lbs and sleep with no shirt. Also, I wander the apartment in the morning with no shirt, and have frightened away small children with my bulk. Also to be taken into account is both sets of parents ability to guilt. They wield it like both a scalpel and a bazooka. Over the years I have grown far too callous for guilt to work on me. Lemur Queen, however, is exquisitely susceptible.

From guilt from both sides of the family. This is also bad. Why is this bad? Because we live in a small apartment (The Fortress) that has one bed. It also has a pull-out couch. Fat guys and pull-outs don't go well together. But if Frank and Marie(her parents) or Major Rock and Barbie (my folks) come over, guess who's on the sofa? Or rather, guess who's fat ass is straining the supports of the sofa bed and making the supports bend? Me. My wife is a runner and ballerina. She's wafer thin. I'm freaking Hardee's Monster Burger with Jumbo Fries. But still, we'll be in the sleeper sofa when they come.



And they seem to threaten to come by often. You see, we live near the coast. Actually, we're 5 minutes from a beach. The town we live in is a major tourist destination. Friends and relatives are always wanting to "drop in and say hey". Funny, they never wanted to come see us when we were renting a room from two hippie brothers who reeked of patchouli and lived nowhere near the beach, but I digress. But you get the point: moochers come at us like sharks on a whale carcass.



But at least we're not close enough form random visits. We're Out of the Marinara Zone, and we're happy. Enjoy.





Fat Rock out.