Weight loss = Cult?

Call me crazy, but that seems the be the case over at Medical Practice That Shall Not Be Named, As Lemur Queen Still Owes 80G On Her Student Loans. *Deep Breath*

Anyway

I work at a subspeciality medical practice, and our patient population tends towards "fluffy." This fluffiness does not bode well for their medical condition. Weight loss will minimize their medication usage, improve their overall well being, and keep that heart ticking. Unfortunately, for my patients, as for most of the nation, they are having limited success with this on their own.

So the office is now in the midst of picking out a medically supervised weight management program. Think somewhere between Nutrisystem and the Duke Diet and Fitness Center.

It actually looks like a pretty good program. Patients use packaged meals + fruits and veggies, with weekly medical supervision and meetings. The meetings are where the program takes a sharp right into crazy-town. The paperwork we were given STRONGLY encouraged us to use the official scripts and "key phrases" when talking to clients, as they have "proven success." See, I did it right now. "Clients", not patients, not customers, I guess that's to make them feel warm and fuzzy. And we are on the hunt for a program administrator. This person will lead the non-medical, office type aspects of the program.

They have suggestions for this person. Note that they are suggestions, as I belive making these requirements would, in fact, be illegal. The administrator (who also has a fancy name that I can't remember) should be:

Non-smoker
At or near ideal body weight
Willing to use *diet company name* products
Energetic (possibly code for young)
Perky (possibly code for babe-a-licious)
Supportive of *diet company name* ideals and goals (definitely code for drink the low calorie Kool-Aide)

Scary stuff. Our patients need to loose weight, no doubt. They are not doing it on their own, and bariatric surgery seems like a mighty dramatic step. But loosing weight by selling your soul to *diet company name*? This may be too much

Lemur Queen

Fat Rock Recipies

Hi there. Are you a fat guy? Like to eat? Having trouble with the ladies due to a lack of social skill because your favorite hobbies include painting 28mm models, playing World of Warcraft, and screaming at Kung Fu movies? Well, take heart, and impress that woman (or wife) who's way out of your league by cooking for her!

Fat Rock's Chicken-Bake-Pasta-Thing (menu approved by the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster http://www.venganza.org/):

You need: 3 Skinless Boneless Chicken Breat Filets, 6 slices provolone cheese, 1 jar spaghetti sauce (any sauce will do), Fatty's Secret Spice Recipie(rosemary, thyme, garlic salt, ?????, methamphetamines), 2/3 cup pitted black olives, 1/2 cup feta cheese, 1 package of fettucini noodles.

1. Preheat oven to 450 F while thawing chicken. Make sure the chicken is thawed.

2. In a glass/pyrex pan, place chicken breasts in and cover with provolone cheese.

3. Cover chicken/cheese with spaghetti sauce, using the whole jar. Drizzle Secret Spice Recipie over sauce. Place pan in oven (set to 450 F) and cook for 45 minutes.

4. While Chicken is cooking, boil water and cook Fettucini noodles. You should know how to cook noodles. If you don't, your mother didn't love you.

5. While all that's cooking, chop half your olives, and fine dice the rest. Make sure the olive bits are drained, then mix with feta cheese on the cutting board. Set that aside.

6. Ding! Noodles done! Drain noodles and set as a base on the plate. Like a bed for your chicken. DING! Chicken's done! Scoop out chicken onto bed of noodles. The cheese will have melted and ran into the sauce, don't worry about it.

7. Once the chicken's on there good, scoop out the sauce and cover the chicken evenly. Now grab your olive/feta mix and put a dollop of that on top of the chicken.

8. Ding! Your done! Serve and impress the ladies!

Good luck!

Fat Rock.

P.S. This recipie is Lemur Queen tested, Lemur Queen approved.