The Goblins are going BACK!

This is in part a happy post, and partly a sad post. This is happy because it's back to school time, and parents are getting a break. This is also a happy time because the college students are going back to school, and the quality of strippers at the local clubs will be improving drastically. Please note: I was told this by Rod "the Bod" at work, whose encyclopedic knowledge of the proffession of stripping, pornogarphy, and adult entertainers is legendary. I don't know this personally. I'm originally from Fayetteville, where the strippers are the same all year around. Seriously, Lemur Queen would tear off my twig and berries if I came home from a strip club.

But it's also a sad post because the traffic situation in our town is about to get a lot more screwed up. Yep! School Busses! And of course the parents who can't let their Precious Little Darlings (PLDs) ride the big nasty bus and must drive them to school personally. If you go to a private school and have no bus service, you are excluded from that comment. The bus drivers in my town are good. They don't abuse the power of the stop sign, and try to move a decent speeds. They will, by and large, allow people to pass them. My problem is with the traffic cops. One traffic cop. The Midget Deputy. The Midget Deputy works the traffic beat at the local elementary school that is on a busy 4 lane road with a grassy median. This 4 lane road is an artery for people who have to work downtown (me), and in the mornings the north-bound lanes are packed with workers and soccer moms transporting their PLDs in massive ass SUVs (Lady, you have one freaking kid, WHY do you need to have an Expedition Extended Edition Widebody? Crap, that thing is a tank.......and keep it in one lane, PLEASE!) The Sounthbound lane is clear and open, but has a left turn lane into the Elementary School. Enter the Midget Deputy. He can't see over his car, but he directs traffic like wee tiny iron fist. He constantly stops traffic on the northbound lane for almost no reason. One car in the turn lane? STOP ALL NORTHBOUND TRAFFIC! Turn lane empty but you see a bus coming half a mile away that might need to turn into the school? STOP ALL NORTHBOUND TRAFFIC! This little Napoleon will have traffic backed up for 3 miles. It seems he has it out for anyone wanting to drive into town. Like some woman who drove north on this road broke his heart once and now he has sworn vengeance on all northbound traffic. So, if you see a tiny man shaking his fist randomly at north moving traffic, it's him. Throw fruit. He likes it.

At ye olde unemployment office.

Don't worry, I didn't lose my job. I just got a hint about a better job at a place in town. It's manufacturing, and the STARTING wage is $2.50/hour more than I make now. So, I can't help but try. More money, more benefits, and being in a company that isn't threatening layoffs is huge for me right now. But I have to be sneaky about it. If word gets out where I work that I'm trying to go somewhere else, the idiot redneck that's my boss now will give me the shittiest jobs he can to "make me rethunk it" as to whether or not I want to leave. Yes, rethunk. He did it to the last guy who got a promotion to another department. There are a grand total of 3 guys in our group that have college degrees. The redneck calls us all "them college boys" and treats us all like shit. So I'm trying to get away.


Which brings me to the unemployment office. The company I'm trying to get into is doing all it's recruiting via the unemployment office. To turn in my application, I had to wait in line there. it was an eye-opener. Ever seen Star Wars? Remember the Mos Eisley Cantina? Well, that was pretty much the ESC (Employment Security Commission). I had Bubba Joe Jim Bob standing there jabbering at one window, looking for a "hog job. ANY hog job". He was standing next to Anferny, who was decked to the nines in Fubu, trying to get the lady at the next window to believe him when he said Taco Bell wasn't hiring. And how do unemployed people/welfare people afford full on Fubu/SeanJean outfits and/or have a constant supply of Marlboro unfiltereds? I know for a fact that "fly gear" is expensive as hell, and Cowboy Killers are over $4 a pack now. So where is that money coming from?


Anyways, so I was called back into the ESC to take a basic math and literacy test. My test time was 0930. I showed up 5 minutes early, was given a blank sheet of paper, a pencil, and told to sit down and wait for a computer. There were about 40 computers in the room, and every seat had an ass in it. All these folks were there for the 0900 test times. The test was 52 questions of basic (high school) math and reading comprehension. I figured it wouldn't be a long wait. I was wrong. 40 minutes later, someone got up from the chair and finished. I sat down and started. I finished the test in roughly 40 minutes. And I checked all the answers to every question before I submitted it. So, it actually took me about 30 mins to complete. The majority of the people who were on the computers when I came in at 0925........WERE STILL THERE. Right as I was leaving I had a very bad movie clip come to mind. Remember 2001 Space Oddessy? Remember the monkeys and the giant slab thingy? Yeah, those monkeys.

That's what it was like. Except instead of grunting and hooting there was the occasionally moan of "oh heeeeellllll no" and "hey, yew! May number from figurin' ain't on them answer buttons, yer test is wrong!" Yep. The people who were there when I left had been there for well over 1 hour and 40 minutes. Working on the same test I took. I hope I score better than they do.

Also, the monkey thing doesn't mean I think I'm better than them, it just means I touched the obelisk first.

Fat Rock.

Goth Re-post. Or a Gothic Riposte. Whichever.

Greetings all! It's been a while since I wrote this post, and just as long since I looked in my comment section. I was going to close comments, as all I seem to be getting are random adds for porn in Chinese. But today I looked and saw there were comments, REAL comments, about Goths and my post. Now, before I begin my commentary on her comments, I will say this: I stand by my first post. It might not be well written, but it was what I was observing at the time. I may have tweaked it a little bit if I were to write it now, but I will not edit it and I'll let it stand. People want to tell me they're offended or that I and my wife suck for our little rants, fine. If you can't take the heat for what you say, maybe you shouldn't say it. So, I stand by the original post.

So, a commenter writes:

"I'm a southern goth and actually find this offensive. You are either too young to be part of the true goth culture or you are not goth at all."

Ding! She's right! I wasn't a Goth. I'm a Gamer, a specialized subtype of Nerd. I am also a big fan of the SCA, enjoy metal/punk music, and comic books. All three of those can be a draw for Goths. While I was in my prime, I had a grand total of four close Goth friends. I was still a Gamer, I just hung out with some goths. And I assure you I am old enough to have been a part of "true" Goth culture, as I am old enough to own a copy of Vanilla Ice's To The Extreme, and may have purchased it when it first came out. Not that I am admitting owning or purchasing said album.

Speaking of Age, this brings me to my next point:

"Large pants are more popular with ravers, not real goths."

If you remember back in the day, lose fitting pants WERE popular with Goths. When I'm out and about I still often observe those of a more gothic bent wearing loose/large pants. Yes, I know they may not be Goths, but that's what I observe. "Tightish" pants are often more associated with Emos or Hipsters in my area, though they may be popular amongst the Goth crowd in other places.

Hmm, other places, ah next point!

"I am in Richmond, Virginia which has the only full time goth club (open 6 nights a week) in America."

and also

"You also seem to only think of the goth culture as suited for teenagers, which would explain your lack of being able to recognize an adult goth. We just tend to dress nicer regardless of location."

First off, you are in Richmond. Nice city, I've been there on business and pleasure. Richmond and the surrounding areas have a population of over 1.2 million people. That's more than 10 times the amount of where I am. With less population comes a smaller sample size to observe. Also, you point to having a Gothic Club (the only one in the U.S., too!), which would serve to attract more Goths than say.....an agrarian community with few amenities and fewer non-industrial or non-farm jobs. I bet that club attracts Goths like deer to a salt lick. And what guy (or girl) would go out to a club and not dress up a bit? I wouldn't.

But people are like animals in one certain respect: no habitat, no wildlife. There's not many goths here because there's no habitat. That first post was made because I saw TWO Goths at a time when I thought they were long gone in this area. I don't know what the temperature is right now in Richmond, but it's 98 here, with a heat index of 107. This is NOT a good time to wear black. Now is NOT a good time to wear dark colors, period. Now is not a good time to wear heavy makeup. So no, there's not a lot of Goths here. Hence the post about the disappearance of the Southern Goth.

So that's what the post was about. I tried to give it an Audubon Society spin to it, because that's funny to me. I look forward to your comments and as always, will stand behind my words. Thank you.

Fat Rock.

Country Adventures

Fat Rock and I enjoy adventures. This includes large adventures (Disney World!) and small adventures (Farmers' Market!) Most weekends, we try to have an adventure of some sort. This Saturday, it was Fat Rock's turn to choose.

And he chose..........a flea market.

Yep.

Now, I am not a flea-marketing kind of gal. Antique stores, sure, as long as they aren't too dusty. Yard sales, meah. All told, this was probably my third trip to a flea market.

And what a trip it was! First we rode out into the country. This was actually pretty nice. Open fields, quaint houses, old farm equipmant at the side of the road. We idlly talked about moving out into the country and living the simple life. Step 1: win the lottery.

And then we entered town. What's that? In the distance? A PIGGLY WIGGLY!! My favorite supermarket. For no other reason than that its mascot is an adorable pig. I may have taken pictures. My greatest regret is that I didn't buy a Piggly Wiggly tee-shirt on my last vacation to Kiawah Island. The dichotomy makes me smile. Swank beach resort, country supermarket, with spokes-pig.

anyway.

Time for the flea market. A large field filled with tables. There was a large crowd, buying.......... huh. A strange mixture of stuff. There was the farm stand/tube sock table. The Suny (almost like SONY!) electronics. The stripper clothing. The packages of clothing with DEFINITELY did NOT fall off a truck, so don't even think that. The XXX movie table (they seemed to be doing a brisk business, apparently flea marketers don't know that you can get that stuff on the Internet.) And the air was filled with the smell of the barnyard.

I was hoping for chickens. I was greatly disappointed when we walked past the restrooms and found the "barnyard scent" was, in fact "human sent." Ew.

BUT! On the way out, I saw two goats, just chillin' in the back of a pick up truck.

It was a good day.

Lemur Queen

Tax Free Weekend.

Well, the Rock family will be sticking close by the Fortress this weekend. Why? Because in North Carolina there is a Tax Free Weekend right before school starts. I mean, it's not a bad thing, if you think about it. Most everybody needs to try to save some money, right? Especially with the economy in the crapper, taking off that 7% sales tax is a great for people trying to pinch pennies. Which is a lot of us. Including me. Especially since the pay cut at work (thanks jerks! those free t-shirt with the company logo on them DO NOT make up for cutting my pay 12%!).

But fortunately, I don't need to rush out to Wal-Mart to get anything. I'm not going back to school. I don't need new clothes. I work in a blue collar job where an old t-shirt and pants are what you need to do the job, as "nice" clothes will get crap all over them. And it's a good thing we don't need to go to Wally World, because it looks like this:

Yep. Pretty close. Except this pic was taken some time around November, and it's hot as hell out there now, so I guess it'd be a sweaty stinky mass of people instead of a cold mass of people.

Well, we do need food. Groceries. Crap. Well, I don't want to wade into THAT melee. So I have three choices:

1. Tell my wife it's her week to go shopping alone, and send a 5' tall, 100 pound woman into that writhing heap of humanity unarmed to bring my fat ass some food.

2. *I* go in there alone, sparing my wife and taking the brunt of the punishment on myself. I like this option better, as I am 240 pounds and have taken martial arts for 6 years I think I'd have a better chance.

3. We do like my priest did in my old parish. He was so popular in town (seriously, people LOVED him. Folks who weren't Catholic would come up and say hi. He actually started wearing disguises to restaurants so people would leave him be to enjoy his crappy Chinese food.) that he couldn't shop for his groceries like normal people did. He hated it. So, he'd go to Wal-Mart at 3 in the morning. Seriously. No one's at Wal-Mart at 3-4 am. Except drunks, and lazy ass college students(me!). So I'd be looking at the dollar frozen pizzas and see Father moving happily and whistling as he was picking out carrots and getting Pilsbury Grands Rolls.

Anyways, we'll probably go out late tonight. Like, after midnight. And buy groceries. Catholic Priest style.

Fat Rock

Pitbulls

This is going to be short. I have a Pitbull mix. He's a sweetheart. I've had dogs before. Black lab, and a Siberian Husky. Decent dogs. The husky was a bit dumb, but otherwise good dogs. Then my wife and I were looking for a dog. I wanted one she could run with. One that had some size on it, and would have some protective instinct. We also wanted a dog that had a reputation of being good with kids. I did some research (http://www.dogbreedinfo.com/) and narrowed the field. Then we started hitting the local dog rescues to see what was available. Please understand I have nothing against purebred, "papered" dogs. But we have so many in shelters and pounds here, it seems crazy to go anywere else. So I looked on Craigslist, and on Petfinder and eventually ran across Beefy and his littermates. The adoption group that had him were running his add as being an American Bulldog, but a volunteer with the group (a friend) told me he was over half Pitt, but they couldn't run the add as such for two reasons:

1. Dog fighters are still looking for Pittbulls and sometimes try to get them from rescues.
2. People are afraid of Pitts, and will shy away from adopting them.

I'm not afraid of Pittbulls. Beefy has proven to be a wonderful companion and exercise partner. He loves children, and will put up with anything, so long as the kid rubs him. He was slapped across the face last week by a little girl who wanted to play rough. Dog's reaction? Fall over and roll belly up to try to entice a belly-rub. He has not been aggressive with any other dogs, but has tried to play with dogs who weren't interested. This resulted in him being growled at, so he ran behind me and hid.

What kills me is how many people are afraid of Pitts. And I mean, run in terror, jerk kids away fear. I made the mistake of telling a woman that Beefy was a Pitt while she was petting him on a walk, and she jerked her hand away and stepped back about 10 feet, saying something about "maneater". Yeah, the dog that was happily licking your hand 5 seconds ago is going to go insane an rip off a boob now that you know it's a Pittbull. So now I have to introduce him as a mutt. Or to other Pitt owners as an "Amstaff Mix", which they immediately understand. I know the media doesn't like Pitts. But please, give the breed a chance.

OOOOoooohh! Dogo!

So, last night Lemur Queen and I went out to world market to buy some overpriced and pretentious goods. You know, the kind that say "we're well travelled and oh so worldly yet don't actually travel because we have no money". Yep, those kinds of goods. So, as we were walking into the store, we walked by a truck, and there was a dog in the truck. It was evening, and nice and cool, so the dog wasn't in danger. And both the windows were rolled all the way down. The dog was sitting behind the driver's wheel, and I noticed him because he FILLED THE ENTIRE WINDOW. He looked like a Pitbull on steroids. It was a Dogo Argentino.

I mean, look at it. That dog is epic. I actually sat outside the damn store so I could talk to the owner when she came out. She was a bit apprehensive when I asker her what kind of dog it was ("Well, we got him in Buenos Ares....") but when I blurted DOGO! She knew she had a friend. Seems she had been given some flak from PETA people about the dog in the past. She was from Georgia, and her and her husband had a farm there. In Georgia, there's a lot of wild pigs. Boars. They root up crops, attack livestock and people. Fierce. Mean. With big ass tusks. Farmers want these bad boys gone. But hunting them is extremely dangerous. High caliber weapons must be used. Even then, the thick hide, slabbed muscle, and really really bad attitude of the wild boar makes it tough to kill. Regular hunting dogs, like a Coonhound, Foxhound, or Beagle would get ripped to confetti by a boar.

Enter the Dogo Argentino. It was selectively bred for hunting Pumas and other large jungle cats. They combined the now extinct Fighting Dog of Cordoba, Boxer, Mastiff, German Wirehair Pointer, Great Pyranees and old Bull Terrier stock. That gave it a good nose (to track), size and stregnth, and a great personality (this is actually a decent family dog) so it could work well with a pack to bring down large game. You know, because it was bred to, you know, freaking kill pumas.

Yep. So this lady had the dog in the truck. He sat there, patiently, waiting for his master to return, ignoring everyone who walked by, tried to pet him, or took pictures (that would be me, I'll post them later, maybe.). I waited for that lady for 20 mins, hoping she would show up. That dog was just too awesome not to check out. Oh, and yeah, even though the dog is bred to kill large wild animals, it's nature is to be loving and gentle with people and kids. Hence the Boxer mix-in. What an awesome dog. If Lemur Queen would let me, I would totally get one of those.