It's summer time on the Carolina Coast. No rain, high heat, freakish baking sunshine, and a town that subsists on outside activities make being a Goth hard. I mean if you think about it, there's not a good mall to hang out in, there's no parks with a lot of hardwoods (it's a "Dark Forest", for those of you NOT in the know), there's not really a store that sells AD&D (Advanced Dungeons and Dragons) or any of the things that traditionally Goths like and hang around at. Goths here are like spotted owls in the northwest. Their habitat is either non-existant, or even worse, been destroyed by the bublegum pop teenie boppers. *shudder* Unlike the Spotted Owl, those tree-hugging morons at Greenpeace aren't stepping in to try to save them. Because of their rarity, when you spot a Southern Goth, it's really an event. I have a lot of respect for them. They have perseverance out the ying-yang. Kinda like watching a fat guy jogging in bad weather. The goth has an almost noble quality, like a salmon swimming upstream.
But the other day I spotted TWO goths. Both were Southern Goths. How did I know they were Southern Goths, as opposed to their Northern Cousins? Why, a difference in plumage, of course!! Northern Goths benefit from a generally cooler climate, including longer winters, which enable them to have more showy costumes with more layers and ornamentation. Also, with cooler weather comes the ability to have layered white face-paint, and the all inportant black eye liner. Northern Goths are also more numerous, due to a higher general population density and to an abundance of industrial backdrops and shopping malls to lurk around and act depressed at.
Southern Goths, by contrast, are built for survival. Ornate plumage and display only come after september, when the temperatures drop, and high school goes back into session. Due to high heat, scarcity in habitat, and fewer numbers; Southern Goths have had to rely on camoflage and adaptation. The plumage of a Southern Goth is less flamboyant(as goths go), with usually only a blak pair of massive pants, a black T-shirt, and either a trench coat or bookbag. Note, both the coat and bookbag are used as carrying devices for various gothic odds-n-ends, and usually only one is chosen. All male Southern Goths will assuredly wear very loose fitting clothing, as opposed to the tailored/layered look of their Nothern male cousins. Female Southern Goths usually wear a black tank top and huge pants or waifish black dress.
Paradoxically, while alabaster white skin is prized amougnst the Southern Gothic Community, sunscrean usage is generally restricted to females, as males do not generally have enough sense to put it on.
Anyways, I saw two Goths the other day. The first sighting was at the local Books-a-Million on a saturday. Saturdays are usually when Goths, Nerds and Gamers gather to play Magic the Gathering. This particular Goth exemplified the drive for adaptation and survival. Dressed in ill-fitting black jeans and a black shirt, the male could be observed desperately trying to blend in with the others in the group. Watching him was like watching a sea gull victim from the Exxon Valdez spill. He was flopping and alone, desperate to survive. I was starting to give up on our Southern Goths, untill I had my second sighting in a week. The other sighting was at Wal-Mart, which has become a makeshift meeting site for their kind; since proper shopping malls with food courts are unavailable. Dressed in the huge pants/black top/massive trench coat regalia, he was resplendant as he was pushing the cart with his mother going grocery shopping. Awed by his dedication to his kind, I basked in the dark glory that issued forth from the scragly young man. Truly, he was a Goth after a Goth's own heart.
By the way, if you add 150 pounds to the guy in the picture, this COULD be me and Lemur Queen. Enjoy:
By the way, the male is a Northern Goth. I can't quite determine the breeding of the female.
Fat Rock out.
Note from Lemur Queen: No, not us at all.
