Thursday, November 27, 2008

My Addiction


I'm on SMACK! Just kidding. I play a game called World of Warcraft. For those who've been living under a rock or in a cave for the last 3 years or so, World of Warcraft is an online multi-player game where people play as characters and complete quests, raid dungeons, and interact with other players all while trying to build their character/avatar into the bad-assest on the block. I know, "why play the game, when you can interact with REAL people in REAL LIFE". Well, I can't rightly shoot a fireball out of my fingers and roast people who annoy me. Now can I?

In reality, I'm a fat guy. Not really tough. Not really strong. In World of Warcraft (WoW), you know what I am? A big-ass cow. A big-ass shapeshifting cow. A big-ass shapeshifting spell-slinging cow that can put the smack down on any and all! A big-ass shapeshifting spell-slinging cow that can put the smack down on any and all AND rides a GIANT GOAT! A big-ass shape.........well, you get the idea.

It's an escape, and a chance to play with friends no matter how distant they are. Most nights I play with Robert and MC. We run around and yell at each other just like we were in the same room, even though we're hundreds of miles apart. I even play with friends form work, and we bitch about work and what-not. It's an escape, because at my work I have a new supervisor who used to be at my level, and has now been granted the mantle of authority. He used to be a fun guy. Now, he stalks around the plant, punished people he doesn't like by screwing with their work schedule and giving them bad jobs; and a few weeks ago took me aside and told me that I needed to start talking to him with "mo' respek't". We had a disagreement in th way I answered him when he asked me a question. I have been told that "that dog won't hunt, boy". Now, I could cuss at the guy. I could bottle it up and yell at Lemur Queen when I come home. Or I can be polite at work and pleasant at home, and play Warcraft for a bit and let it all out.
I'm sure this won't be the last post on this, as there is an expansion coming out in less than a week, and Lord knows, I can't give up my WoW.
Fat Rock.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Half-Marathon: 13.1 miles, 2 hours, 30 songs

So today was the day. Half marathon day, my fist one in Coastal NC. It went pretty well. Let me walk you through the adventure via my custom made itunes play list, cleverly named "1/2 marathon."

Mile 0-The start
Whoa, that's a lot of people. They really weren't kidding when they said it was the biggest in the state. National Anthem, cheers, and we are off! I hit play. U2's "Beautiful Day" starts playing. And you know? It WAS a beautiful day. Perfect Carolina blue sky, cheering crowds, surround by thousands of runners. All ages, all sizes, all speeds. And we were all running together. Yeah, I almost teared up.

Mile 1-Wait, the crowd hasn't thinned out?
The excitement of thousands of people rapidly wanes as I continue to Army shuffle over the first bridge. I signed up to RUN! Smashmouth's "All Star" pumps up my energy, and I start ducking and weaving through the crowd. They will probably pass me later, but for now, I need to stretch my legs.

Mile 2- Downtown, watch out for the cobblestones!
Yay! The pack is thinning, and more cheering spectators are on the sidelines. Including my husband!! Hi Fat Rock!! My legs are feeling good, it's early enough in the race that the cobblestones don't trip me up. Gwen Steffani and Moby serenade me with "South Side." It seems appropriate for our trek through downtown. Even if it is a peaceful, quaint downtown, with you know, cobblestones.

Miles 3-5 Water stop #1, and heading to the park
This section is pretty boring. First water stop is dodged. I've got my dorky water bottle pack, and I've only been running 20 minutes or so. Just heading down a side street in an industrial area of town. I attempt to entertain my fellow runners with my singing skills. Jimmy Buffett time! Sadly, "Why Don't We Get Drunk and Screw" came on near the waterstop. I think I may have inadvertently caused an uncomfortable conversation between a waterstop volunteer and her young son.

Mile 6 Into the Park!
We hit the park. It is BEAUTIFUL! Big lake with cypress trees, Spanish moss hanging from branches, herons and other interesting birds silently watch our progress from the shore. It seems really appropriate that Harry Connick Jr.'s "With Imagination (I'll Get There)" is playing. It's a scene right out of the Deep South.

Mile 7-8 Still in the park?!?
The park is becoming less beautiful. How long is this freaking trail? That's right Billy Joel, "I'm Moving Out." Oh, wait, the park is ending. And what's that? In the distance? Could it be?

Mile 9 Work?
We are running disturbingly close to my workplace. I like to imagine that work ceases to exist on the weekend. Stop screwing with my magical thinking! Ahh, Barenaked Ladies. Now THAT'S good weekend music. "You can be my Yoko Ono" and "Alcohol" carry me through, back to downtown. Hmm, two songs about alcohol. Three if you count "Piano Man." A scary trend or a suggestion on how to cool down after the race?

Mile 10-12 Into the last 5K
Back through downtown, past the abandoned housing project. These are always the toughest miles. Still several miles from the finish, no cheering spectators. You just want to be DONE. The Dave Matthews Band helps me re-center. First with "The Best of What's Around" and then "Ants Marching" helps me pick up the pace. We're crossing the third bridge! Won't be long now.

Mile 13-The finish is in sight
Just a mile to go! Anyone can run a mile. I start trying to pass people, and hope they can't hear my music. It's The Gourds "Gin and Juice," alcohol song #4 and the least family friendly of the lot. The in love with the world feeling that surrounded me at the start has been supplanted by my primal desire to be done running.

13.1 2:20
Two hours and twenty minutes. Not my fastest time, but the chip time should be about 2 minutes faster, thanks to the crowd at the start. I proudly receive my finishers medal from the Marine, in his snazzy dress blues at the finish line.


I'm sore, I'm tired, and as usual, am slightly unhappy with my time. I CAN'T WAIT for the next 1/2 marathon. Hope to see you there!

Lemur Queen

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Forget Iron Man.......watch for back for Iron Heidi!



So, my lovely wife and I were at another race the other day. Last weekend, to be exact. Last weekend and 0730, during my usual sleepy-time. And my wife was actually in the race, I was there to grunt a lot and of course do some freak-watching. This particular race was an 8K race, or about 5 miles. The Lemur Queen is doing several such races as she is building up to run her Half-Marathon shortly. She's been training for a couple months, and she thinks she's almost ready. I think she needs to sit on the sofa with me and have some nachos. 'Cause running for 13.1 miles is just crazy. The farthest I've ever ran was 20 yards, and that was from my seat to the General Tso's Chicken pan at the local chinese buffet. Gotta get it while it's FRESH, people!

So, my wife runs the race. She makes a great time, actually beating her projection by about 6 minutes. I'm very proud of her. Of course, she wanted to have made a better time, but she's satisfied with what she's got. Then we look around. And notice someone who finished about 15 minutes before my wife. I hadn't paid attention previously, as I was looking for the white shirt/red shorts combo that would mean "start hooting for your wife". However, standing about 10 feet away from us was Iron Heidi and her family. She was about 5'8", had blonde hair in two braided pigtails and these stretched the the middle of ther back. She was clad in spandex, as was her husband (also blond hair, didn't get close enough to see their eyes to check for blue). The had a son, about 10, WHO RAN IN THE RACE AT HIS PARENT'S PACE, and a sister who was about 6 and riding her bike along with the family on their run. What really got my attention was the stroller this woman had pushed for 5 miles. It was a two seater (with 2 small blonde children inside it), and it wasn't a side-by-side stroller, it was linear. Also, the wheels......had those plastic covers on them like competitive byciclists have on their wheels. Holy crap. Hence the name: Iron Heidi. You may think I'm joking, but I have pics to back it up.



Fat Rock.

Monday, November 3, 2008

Creepy Work Update

Me and the Lemur Queen love gossip. We both do. It's horrible. When I'm at work, I naturally gossip worse than an old woman at church. Well, today I found out something interesting.

Seems that one of the *guys* I work with is out to make a little money. Working for about $200 an hour. As a male escort. A boy-toy. A man-whore.

Guess where he advertised? Our city's Craigslist. Guess who found it? A female member of our staff.

Scandal Shock Intrigue!

Just thought you oughta know.